Father's Day

Writing about fathers day a day early gives me an opportunity to rant before the fact. This year I have been a father for over fifty years. Having that title means more than the initials you put behind your name or rewards given for good efforts in other fields. Some people wear the crown gracefully and comfortably as they have done all the right things parenting their kin. I have constant thoughts about doing the right thing or making decisions for your children when you had the control and the will to do so. My attitude has been very consistent.

As a young person I was never one to take kindly to controls of any type. It cost me dearly in my early life but formulated a philosophy for my parenting role. I felt and still feel that you can lead a child or young person in a direction dictated by your family values. Following that you have to trust in your child to make the right decisions. Let them make mistakes unless they are life threatening or dangerous and experience the consequences. Support your child and let them know you believe in them and expect them to respect you for what you are.

Be a parent but don't worry about being their friend. You will always be their friend but there will be times your children will not show it. For a time you may be the enemy but you are always their parent. I always think of Mark Twain's expression about parents when he said, "when I was 18 years old I did not know how my parents could be so stupid. When I was 19 I did not know how they learned so much in one year." That is not an exact quote but makes the point.

My father was a father in so many ways. He was not trained as a parent but he acted and reacted from the heart. He was not always correct in his dealing with me but like Mark Twain I realized he did what he felt he had from a motivation of true love and concern. Today when I look back I feel so fortunate to have had a father that had so many qualities of leadership, and I inherited some of them. As I look at our family I see my dad in so many of my siblings. Little, subtle qualities that make our family what it is. On father's day I look back to see where I came from but I always look forward to see where my children and grand children are going. It is great to be a father who is proud of his family because he is part of it.