Pensive Mood

There are times in our lives when we have to come to grip with issues that are life changing. At this time we are at that stage - or at least I am that. Life gives us an opportunity to expand our horizons but at a cost. Should we make choices that are for our benefit or should we consider the bigger picture and see life as a community venture and contemplate the whole family?

We have been fortunate to have lived in Florida for ten years in a beautiful home and with close friends and activities which would be the envy of many. Our 95 year old mother is in a lodge which also would be the envy of many but she is missing the most important part of her life. She misses we who are living the good life, and feels alone despite the fact that she has family close by.

We will have to return to Oakville and have Doris come back into the fold and share her remaining years with the people that really count. This is not a easy decision as we will have to sell our home here and return to the winter weather which we have escaped for so many years.

This stage in our life will have its rewards as we will be able to share the remaining years that Doris will have here on earth. I have a clear picture of the years ahead and realize that there is always a social benefit from doing the proper thing. We are anxiously looking forward to our new adventure.

In Search of Fitness

Theresa and I decided that this year we would join a fitness center and try to renew our youthful physical needs. Well we did go and join a center and I was amazed at the size and scope of this establishment. We will be assessed by a trainer and given a program to suit our needs.

It is embarrassing when you are faced with the fact that you are not what you used to be. Measuring your fat and calculating the percent of your body is far from fun. Of course all these fitness folk are early twenties and live in the gym. I have to say they treated us with respect as seniors and reminded me on several occasions that they do make a difference but are not magicians. Seems that my barber has that same line. Getting old is sometimes just not fun.

After a trial run on about a dozen machines I realized that I had body parts that suddenly asked to be serviced. The gym is the best answer to sleep disorder and we always sleep well after exercise. After our workout I went straight to the steam room and relaxed and after a shower we retired to our home and had a cool drink.

I was used to the gym but for Theresa it was new and she will take full advantage of all the programs offered. I do not expect too much but it will be great to be able to recover some of the physical abilities I lost after surgery.

Doris Moves To Chartwell

Having worked the morning with Adam, Theresa and Glenda moving Doris to her new home I arrived home to a house with an empty bedroom. As I entered my home and looked down the hallway I could not help but notice the quiet, completely empty bedroom at the head of the stairs. It was not a good feeling but a lonely one.

We had removed all of Doris' furnishings and placed them in her new home at Chartwell. This independent living lodge is beautiful in every sense and her personal living space is just right for an elderly person who is capable of taking care of herself. The best thing is that the lodge is close by in our town and not miles away so visitations are convenient and home visits for special events easy to manage.

Doris will be turning 95 in a month and can no longer travel with us to Florida for the winter. She will however  fly to New Brunswick to visit her friends and relatives next week and drive back with us on our return from N.S. in a few weeks.

Our home will not be the same without Doris as she has been the third member of our family for over thirteen years, During these years she has been a constant traveller  and adventurer and never showed her age. No trip was too long or drive too far for Doris and she never slept a wink on any of our travels in the van. I wondered if it was to make sure I was always awake or just her love of seeing new things.

Doris was easy to live with as she had a great appetite and loved everything which contained sugar.She was a great contributor to the household chores and loved to hang out clothes, do dishes and help with the preserving. I will miss her and her morning greeting every morning at exactly 8.30 am. She was our weatherman and read the  the morning paper every day. I thought she was interested in sports as she always had that section in her hands when she first opened the Star. Actually it was because the weather was on on the back page of the sport news.

Doris will establish friendships with people of her own age although there are not many her age there at Chartwell and share memories she has gathered over her years of a happy, eventful and rich life. Our family will include Doris at every opportunity and she will still be the great grandmother to her many family member and a vital link in the strong chain of our family fabric. I have every reason to believe her life will be even richer in her new surroundings once she gets established.

Much On My Mind

It seems that once in a while there is overload on my mind. I never ever thought about this before but now at my more advanced age I get a little concerned about too much on my plate at one time. Deaths of friends has weighed heavy during the last few years when many of my closest friends have taken a journey to the great abyss. Preparing for down sizing is a needed reality but I don't know if I can cope with the idea of getting rid of the wonderful clutter I accumulated during the last 60 years.

Realizing that for the first time in my life that people see me as an aging being and treat me in like manner. I never thought of aging would be such a personal process. Ar least my family and close friends treat me the same. Growing old gracefully is such a myth; I will grow old any way I please and and I haven't decided yet how that will be. I know it will take some doing to change my ways and I really don't see the need anyhow.

There is so much that I have not done and I see so many glitches in my way to achieving these dreams that I worry I will be gone before I do everything . Small simple tasks that I would do before breakfast now require the morning and big tasks sometimes don't get done at all.

I love to write and could do much more of it but there is the physical aspect to life that must be attended to. Exercise often, eat well, be careful what you drink and how much, don't overdo anything and always everything in moderation. Actually I never did anything in moderation.....why should I start now?

Tomorrow I will be sorry I wrote this blog but tonight I am just venting. Venting is good for your health and I wish to be healthy. Actually I feel better already so I will have a small moderate drink and sleep soundly.

March Birthdays

March was good for our family as was February. In march we had David, Carol Anne, Shawna and Lynda all celebrating their special days. My two youngest siblings were happy to have a birthday in good health and looking for more of the same. My granddaughter who lives further away from us at five hours driving or four hours if her mother drives is having a special year. Shawna is graduating from secondary school and already accepted by all three schools she applied to.

Her choice of schools could bring her to Toronto and within an hour of our home. If this actually occurs we would see more of her and her Mom and Dad. That would be a bonus for shore.

Lynda is our oldest daughter and my writing inspiration. My wish is for her to complete the editing of my book to relieve her from a tired arm. She writes all day at work and continues when she comes home. Lynda along with my other three children make our life interesting and complete. They along with their children and friends make quite a group when we get together. We wish all of them a happy birthday and continued close association with the clan.

This year more than most caused me to look at our family and realize that we have aged in a hurry. This fact always makes me anxious to fill every minute with life issues and gain the rewards you receive from such a ethic. Theresa and I always feel blessed as far as our family is concerned and look forward to our next family get together. This year we will be having our first wedding of a grand child and that will be special.

Living Together Alone

Theresa and I have been married for twelve years but this is the first time  we have been alone except for holidays. There is a special freedom with this new arrangement and we have been enjoying this new found circumstances. The time factor is the biggest difference. Since we do not have to concern ourselves with others we are able to manage our own time. Little things like being late for lunch or rushing home to prepare supper because someone depends on you for this service.

The spontaneity of decisions and the ability to change or alter plans without considerations for others is a pleasure we have noticed. Mealtimes and the menu can be simplified when you just want a snack instead of a meal and you want to put off having a dinner all together is easy.

When there is just the two of you all kinds of discoveries are possible and you become a different person because you are able to express all the facets of human behaviour without reservations because of the privacy of your life. I always realized the need for privacy and the value of this element in marriage but circumstances have prevented this from becoming a reality. The time we lived with others had a strong influence over our behaviour and much of that was great. The sharing of your life with a family member is one of the wonderful gifts you can bestow on a family member. We have been rewarded over and over by the presence of our mother  in our family.

This year because of insurance and other reasons we do not have our 95 year old mother with us. To say we miss her would be a mild term as never a day goes by but she comes up in our conversations. Although we know she lives in beautiful surroundings we hear words expressing her sorrow living without us.

We truly love the freedom we have but it comes at a cost. We hope that we will be able to afford the price.

So I Am 75

When I was a young person I thought 75 was the age of an old person. This morning I realize how ridiculous I was in my youthful judgement. The physical body maybe could use a tune  up. I am slower crossing the street, take longer in the bathroom, eat mainly what I want and not what I need and spend too much time in front of the TV.

For all that I still feel great and look forward to the next 25 years. Some advice my Dad gave me when I was a young man leaving my home in Cape Breton back in the early fifties didn't pan out all that badly. He told me to pick my friends slowly and carefully. Trust those who meet your scrutiny and always watch your back.When it comes to women he said be aware of girls who cannot dance; you would never be happy with them. There is no job too big or too small so make sure you always have one. For protection in Montreal, he said to carry a sock half full of sand -it makes a wonderful weapon and is not illegal. Lastly, remember your family and real friends; in the end they are the only ones you can truly trust.

This might seem like funny advice but it worked. I have many friends with whom I started school and still maintain close ties. During my venture into life I have done nearly every job imaginable, from garbage collector, tobacco primer, teacher, coroner, mayor, store clerk, farm work, father, horseman, JP, and many others. I never was too proud to do my best at every one of these chores. The money I received from this work supported myself and my family.

Throughout my years I have been selfish insofar as I used many of the family resources to get ahead in life. I did not portion my time fairly and too often neglected my family and used their time for my personal interests. This is my greatest regret. The time I shared with my family and friends was indeed golden and made the moments all the more memorable.

Public service was always a part of my makeup and I saw need everywhere. I picked my spots to make a difference and along the way circumstances made it possible to meet many people and situations which enriched my life. Always I was, and still am, aware of the influence of my wife and family and the acid test for my actions was if they be proud of what I accomplished.

Every life has high and low points and I am a person who has experienced both. As an emotional person who tears up at weddings, at hearing our national anthem, and family gatherings, I have over the years tended to stay out of the limelight and delegate others to carry the load. As a young person I was given two afflictions which framed much of my public life. I had a terrible stutter and lisp from birth. This caused me to have a struggle every time I had to read aloud or speak publicly. This was worse as a young person and I became extremely shy. A number of teachers aided me and some pushed me into a hellish place where I was ready to drop out. The good prevailed and I persisted and in a way was challenged. Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson had a lisp and on graduation day in 1964 he presented me with my university sheepskin and we smiled during our brief conversation as we lisped together at that moment.

There are many things that make me happy...watching the sun come up in the morning... seeing my family all together and getting along... driving to Florida with a great partner to share all the wonder on that 2300 km drive... gardening... attracting birds to our houses in the back yard... phone calls to friends and family.. . just being alive at 75, and looking forward to every day.

A few things which depress me include: world hunger, aboriginal living conditions, women's rights, governments who don't govern honestly, religious groups who want to change the world, and bullies throughout the world, be it in school or in the UN, wars over oil, and our environment.

Colonoscopy

This may seem like a bad topic for a blog but I feel obligated to recognize the importance of this procedure.This morning I had my regular procedure as it was five years since the last one. My Mother was a victim of Colan cancer and it would have been preventative had they (Dr's.) had the procedures in place at that time. Today everyone had the ability to read and understand that this is the second greatest killer cancer and is 99% preventable.

While I was in the Dr. office I read the statistics for Ontario. Over 7500 cases a year and over 2500 deaths. There is one simple reason for this cancer to be so deadly, ignorance and apathy. A half hour procedure, painless and performed in a clinic or hospital setting could save your life. If by chance during the procedure a polyp is discovered it is eliminated right there. What could be easier. A polyp could develop into cancer in ten years or earlier. You may have a sedative to ease the tension but I chose not too for the last two times and was able to walk out half an hour after the procedure. If your Dr. does not perscribe a colonoscopy when you turn fifty or even forty if there is a history in the family of cancer of this type, ask for it.

It gives me a good feeling to walk out of the clinic and realize that I am safe from this problem for five years. I have a legion of friends who hide away from this obligation because of the nature of the procedure. The alternative is not pretty to you or your family so get up and get busy and make sure you are protected from this #2 cancer. This add is sponsored by children and friends of people who are neglecting their responsibility.Because of the nature of this topic....no pictures are available.

Senior Moments

Have you ever second guessed yourself about important issues?I left Florida in a big hurry and had a check list a mile long. As I completed each task I stroked it off. The list was down to the stage where you shut off all the services and make sure the alarm system is working and the bug control program is ready to be actuated as you scamper out of the house and wait to hear the signal that all is well. This year it did not happen just like that. At the very last moment before leaving our home I started all the spray cans to control the bugs and spiders when we are away. This time however I turned on one can right under a fire alarm. As I closed the door for what I thought was the final time I heard this horrible signal.....the spray actuated the fire alarm.

Not to worry I had a minute to go back in and turn off the offending alarm. On re-entering I was met with this powerful smell of bug spray and my eyes quickly watered. I did find the main security box but it read..police on the way. I reset the alarm and made my way out leaving my hot chocolate and melting arctic bar on the kitchen counter. Once outside I  decided enough was enough so I never went back for my travelling treats,

Knowing that the police were on their way I waited by my van hoping to see the police arriving with guns pointed and prepared to arrest me. They never came for a reasonable time so I headed to Canada at about 1.30 am. When I arrived home and on the trip home I constantly questioned myself and retraced every step. Theresa made it even worse by asking about several things which made my anxiety rise to an unacceptable level. Incidentally the police did arrive and my neighbour handled the situation for me. Because of these uncertain moments we decided to go back down for a week of R and R and to make sure this time everything is perfect. When you work as a team and one member is missing it brings a new dynamic to everything you do. We depend upon each other and don't realize it until we are apart. Thank our lucky stars we are not apart very often.

It's Only a Number

Recently I celebrated my birthday. I am now living in my 75th year. It's only a number some would say, but it represents in a numerical way that your life has added up to to a series of events and happenings with dates. The day you were born, your first steps or your first word are all in that list. After that memories take the place of dates. Knowing what year or month becomes secondary to that incident imprinted in your inner mind's eye.

You better remember the date you got married and the birthdays of your wife and children but the thousand other things that happened along the way get shuffled in order of memory. We have a way of bringing events into focus triggered by stimuli. Sometimes it is a piece of music, a picture or just a sound or smell which causes a rush of energy to flood your mind, and we are able to relive those precious moments. Our memories are not all pleasant as life doesn't work that way, but time does modify our perceptions and in some cases, shape an event to better serve our needs.

Some people who are not satisfied with their history according to the facts will re-write it and it will give them a better status until they meet people who know the truth. In my years of a busy life, my memories pile up in a confusion of reality and modified memories. Most of my early childhood thoughts and memories come from repeated stories and if there are different versions from different memories of our family that is fine as memories are just that, memories. While attempting to complete a book of my memories I find a certain pleasure in day dreaming about events that occurred many years ago. Somehow my reality makes a better picture than the actual true account and for this reason I have many more pleasant thoughts than negative.

Since most of my memory is about relationships, there are people who influenced me, shaped me and gave me reason to recall them and their impact on my being. Today as I write,  many thoughts rush through my mind and as I try to recall important landmarks I find that the further I go back in history, the clearer the images appear. I trust this is because these events have been cleared through countless recalls  and are actually fresh in my memory.  It might also be the reason older people are able to remember events from years ago,  but not know where to put the jar of peanut butter after using it.

I look forward to counting my future age by events and memories rather than numbers, as memories are forever - and numbers remind us of too little time left to do all the things we wish to accomplish.

Some Things Never Get Old...Just Better

On this December 30 morning I am doing as I always do every morning. I am sipping green tea and while sitting on my favourite chair, reading The Toronto Star from back to front my mind is dozing. This morning is a little different as there is a crispness about the environment as a heavy white frost coats the lawn and trees. I peer out the front window and wave to the same dog walkers and see the same cars drift down the street carrying sleepy workers to their jobs.

Through these hazy eyes I see my old friend the Christmas cactus. It is now the main attraction in the front window as the Christmas Tree is packed away for another year. I see it in a different light as it was pushed to the background for a few days and now appears as it should as a solid fixture in our home. It has a glorious history being over 150 years old. It once graced the home of my mother in laws's husband's grandmother's home in British Columbia. As the previous owners have long gone to their kind reward the plant became the property of my wife Theresa.

It is large by any standard and when Theresa decided to come East to live in Ontario it appeared that the plant would land in the hands of a stranger. When I first saw the beautiful flowering cactus I decided to make it my own and when returning from a visit to B.C. I tucked it in the back seat of a Honda Civic. It was quite a job to get it in the small car and it took up all the back seat space. As I travelled East I watered it but forgot to protect it from the sun. Part of it got burned along the journey.

I removed the plant from the car and established it to its place of importance and it has been there ever since, I have made many plants from the frowns of this cactus and its babies are just as beautiful as itself. A cactus such as this becomes a living symbol of the beauty of nature and during the cold winter months this flower not only blooms once but twice. The first blooming begins in December and lasts about two months and the second one begins in March and lasts until April. This show of colour brightens our spirits during a long winter.

This cactus just shows us that some things never grow old but get better with age. We can take a lesson from this when dealing with old folks.

Moving Towards Maturity

Every once in a while I get the feeling that everyone I am close to is either sick or experiencing a personal crisis. The past weeks no less than four of my good friends has begun an adventure into a health issue. I get the usual feeling of sorrow, pity and self indulgence until I realize that this is real life.

People are confronted with challenges all the time but it is the manner in which they approach the situation which sets them apart from the poor me people. In my life I have not had to face real tragedy without strong support. The life struggle of my wife Roma in earning a second chance through a lung transplant was indeed a life lesson to me and our family. It was the way she attacked the opportunity of a life extender that gave all of us a fresh view of life. Never was there a poor me attitude but thanks for the chance to receive a gift of life from a stranger. How this changed our life.

Her attitude and demeanor made it easier for us to cope with the final outcome. It is with this in mind that I am able to support my friends in a positive manner and be there when I am needed. Inner strength is there for all of us if we seek it through staying above the dark side of life. In the next years , because of my age I will move towards maturity in understanding and accepting the challenges of growing old gracefully.

For my friends who are called upon to meet these challenges at this time I have confidence that they will receive the strong support necessary for a full recovery.

Turning Fifty

This week I reached a milestone. One of my daughters turned 50. This is a joyous occasion because many people don't even have a daughter. For we who are fortunate to have family and friends , a birthday is a reminder that there is somewhere out there that matters. For Theresa and I there is nothing more exciting than our discussions about our kin.

Our fifty year-old has given us numerous occasions to be proud and thankful for a wonderful relationship. With three others reaching fifty during the next few years we will be blessed many times over. All have good or reasonable health, all provide us with moments only family can provide and of course the security in knowing we have a safe haven when we start to age.

On our cruise Theresa and I had time to take stock of our lives. We were able to realize just how blessed we were and the satisfaction of living close enough to our kin to benefit from their love and support. We do live far away for six months of the year but with the telephone and Facebook we pretty well are able to keep up with their world.

On a personal note I remember when turning fifty was a big deal, now with the baby boomers fifty is the new forty. we associate regularly with active people who are well into their eighties. Today your real age is not a number but the physical and mental stage you are in. We frequently say things like, "I feel like a forty year old" or "am I really that old?". What you are really saying is I want to live life to the fullest without the restraints of age.

So there we feel awfully young to have a fifty year-old daughter.

My 92 Year Old Helper

Doris likes to keep busy and she does just that. I sometimes tell her that work stops after lunch and she agrees. Washing dishes, keeping the kitchen floor clean, baking pies and hanging out clothes are just a few of the things she does to keep busy. Sometimes Doris crosses the line and tries to help me with the outside chores.

I planted a coconut in the side yard and a few chestnuts in a pot which I placed in the front alcove so it could be watered by the nearby sprinkler. At supper time I pointed out these new happenings and to be sure I emphasized where they were and not to even touch them. I was really trying to avoid her cleaning things up outside.

Today when Theresa and I were trimming our Ficus trees I had to stand on a ten foot step ladder and I needed her to anchor the base. I observed from my perch that the coconut was missing and the hole where it was planted was filled with nice black earth. After we completed our job I checked to see where my newly planted Chestnuts were and there they were ... gone.

I told Theresa that Doris must have been helping me with the yard work. I went inside and approached her kindly and asked if she might have removed my plantings. Doris explained that she removed what she thought was a rock that would hurt the lawnmower and filled in the hole with an empty pot of black soil. Was there something wrong ?

Doris assured me that the pot had nothing in it but soil so I dug up the soil and found the nuts intact and ready for replanting. Being such a good helper I told Doris that her main contribution was really in the confines of the house and that any time you see an empty pot with soil in it it not empty but a planting that is not yet growing.

Doris is a great helper but these things will happen as she approaches a hundred so I better get used to it. I wonder what I will be doing when I am 92.

Tai Chi

For the last thirty years of my life I wanted to do Tai Chi. Tonight I did that. I enrolled in a course for the winter hoping that this discipline would help my flexibility and agility. I saw a detraction in these phases of my otherwise perfect ability to do almost anything.

I attended the first session of my new life saving course and arrived on time. There were two people there as I was early and I sort of moved into the area and assessed the situation. Six was the time that we were told that the course would start and I was surprised that only three people moved into the area of operation.

The instructor called the class to order and I entered. A middle aged man was in charge and two elderly ladies made up the group. I introduced myself and moved to the far end of the room away from the mirrors.

Mister began the group session with some unusual movements which I thought were intended to get someones attention. It did and he stood in front of me and asked me of my experience in Tai Chi. I put up my hands and said I was a virgin and he addressed me as such and the session was in order.

Try to do something with your feet and arms when looking at a mirror and oh so embarrassing. I asked for help and he did give me some individual help and I worried about his intentions because he showed me moves that were really quite interesting.

The hour went quickly and I did get through two forms and I felt I did well but the master said I should practise often during the week and come back with an open mind and a desire to really be a Tai Chi person.

I missed supper for this lesson as it was given at 6 pm and as I returned home and I opened a can of beans and told Theresa I would go back for the second lesson. Those mirrors made me feel very much the outsider but I also felt better after the 75 minute workout.

I may never become a Tai Chi expert but I will have a great experience doing something I thought about for thirty years. Getting old is difficult but fighting it is really an experience you should never regret and take as a challenge.

Fall Checkup

Around this time of the year we prepare for winter and make sure that all the necessary work is completed before going to Florida. We trim our trees, feed the rhubarb, prepare our vegetable gardens and put away all the outside lighting and a dozen other tasks.Inside we do the same.

As and individual I feel like some kind of a medical creature when all the prep events are counted up. The dentist, yearly medical with the dozen blood tests, your eye specialist and the pharmacist to buy all those goodies that take care of your arthritis and other human failings.

Every year I do this and realize the consequences of not having that wonderful, golden medical plan. My Dr. believes that prevention is better than treatment so he makes every effort to keep me medically sound. In the same way I maintain my property our medical system maintains my body. I never gave this much thought as I have been fortunate to be able to look after my children and myself without a thought of the cost.

People who do not benefit from such a program must feel frustrated that they are unable to provide for their families and themselves without questioning the economic impact on their lives. This came to my attention when I recently observed my Dr. as adding a certain phrase ofter answering my questions. He usually finishes his little speech with the words, "age relevant" or "age appropriate". What he is saying that for my age I am okay. This kind of shocked me as I never think of myself as old.

Don't ask about your memory loss or other worrisome items because he smiles and says that I can expect that at my age. There you have it - I am ageing and the Dr. tells me I will need and depend more and more on the safety net of the medical system. It has not failed me so far so I guess I will be OK in the future FOR MY AGE.